A slice of life update.
It's not been an interesting week, to be honest. I've been feeling a bit sluggish and burned out and have not accomplished or felt as vibrant as much as I wish.
Movies. I watched two Studio Ghibli films this weekend. They were: The Cat Returns and Only Yesterday. I ADORED Only Yesterday! It was a beautiful, meditative, coming-of-age story of a woman who helps a farm harvest safflower during her vacation time from her office. Her trip triggers childhood memories, which she processes during her time in the countryside. It had so many things that I love. Introspection, nature, freaking CICADA sounds (of course), talks about farming and how man manipulates the land to make the crops thrive, a touch of romance... I felt soft when the protagonists talked in the car and brought up a haiku by Bashō:
In the future
whose skin shall they touch?
these safflowers
行くすえは / 誰が肌ふれん / 紅の花
Source
Life. I had to visit some family members I am uncomfortable with, which probably led to my sluggishness for the past few days. I think this is a major reason I did not realize that I was autistic or my triggers. It seems so unlikely that simple conversations wreak so much havoc, but they do! If I'm uncomfortable with the people, mask heavily with them, or am made to feel inferior or unappreciated, it does a lot of harm. I'm not sure about the logistics of it. I know everyone can be affected by those things so it's more of an enhanced effect? Whether it's the stress of questioning myself and the people, the exhausting ruminations, or the uncertainty of not knowing what I should expect from the person. I only know the consequences and my limits.
Art. I made one drawing that I was proud of. I was watching XG "Left Right" and got the hankering to lean heavily on Y2K and loved the result (the link goes to YT short of the timelapse).
Books. I started Butcher & Blackbird, thinking that a lighthearted, raunchy romp would get me out of my slump, but I don't feel as invested as I wish I were. I'll keep on trying. It's not badly written. It's just me being flaky. I ordered and received a bird guide called Birds of Mississippi! I'm excited to check it out to start identifying the charming birdsong I hear daily. Dracula Daily has been going great, with no entries until late next week. I adore the memes in the official book! It breathes so much life, humor, and whimsy into the reading.
Gratitude. I don't seem capable of sustaining relationships with many people without failing. I am grateful for the friends who take the time to understand and embrace me for me, not for who they want me to be. I know it's silly, but when someone laughs at my dumbass humor, it's a bit of joy and relief. Even though I have many limits, I still can somehow make connections. I often lose faith, you know?
In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
– Khalil Gibran