1. It's been hard to sit down and write. A lot is going on and I can't in good consciousness discuss it. But I know I've been writing moodier posts, reflecting the challenges I have now and my autism hates not being direct in my own writing. It makes me feel like one of those cringe drunken Facebook ladies who post mysterious things at 3AM to seem like victims of whatever societal drama they have become entangled with -_- Things are hard lately and I have felt almost afraid to feel joy, in the fear that I will somehow provoke bad luck or a calamity because of my carelessness. But I realize that I need to live too, and show that even when things are hard, I can still notice beauty, even if it's for a fleeting moment.
  2. I like casting on socks because until I finish the cuff and start the leg, I can change my mind as to which design to knit. It reminds me of how Elizabeth Zimmermann used to spontaneously cast on and just make a thing.
  3. I decided to spend 15 minutes per day doing things I suck at. Singing, the stuff on Brain Age that makes my brain shut down, exercise. It's already helped some.
  4. I realized that the reason that I struggle to process podcasts, audiobooks, and video essays is that they are too slow? I noticed my daughter speeds up videos and watched a video with an ADHDer saying they process verbal info better sped up and gave it a try to see if it helped. It did! I use 1.2x-1.5x depending on the speaker, but usually 1.35x is my sweet spot. Go figure!
  5. It's been raining a lot and the air feels heavy. I find the balminess pleasant, almost like a softer version of the tropics. The heavy air did make my computer go a bit berserk though. The trackpad... does things. Scary random ones, eek. Luckily it hasn't dialed a coworker or anything beyond erasing text, etc.
  6. Rant: Can we collectively decide to stop using the excuse of “their mistreatment is a reflection of them, not you"? Seriously, I don't give five shits about who's being reflected. I'm suffering because of their asshattery.
  7. Current obsessions: turtles on skateboards, Lost in Thoughts All Alone, April in Paris tea, Solitaire. Making probiotic soda.
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Learning how to face our fears is one way we embrace love. Our fear may not go away, but it will not stand in the way.
– bell hooks (All About Love)