My daughter started 3rd grade today 🥹
I’ve been worried about her, because that’s what one does with these pint sized humans. But I guess for me, there’s this dread because of where her development is and how it differs from the other 3rd graders. Her second grade was hell for many reasons. It had been her first year in a general education setting almost full time, her teacher would use ableist language and attitude and generally had no experience with ND kids. It escalated to the point where they didn’t understand her needs, misunderstood something she said, and reported us to the CPS. Full disclosure, the caseworker claimed to me the report was unfounded, but to this day we are doing extra things they demand.
It’s really hard raising an ND kid. Not because of the child per se. But because of our societal norms, human biases, and broken systems. Raising her has been an exercise in humility. Every assumption I had about being a mom was thrown out the window many years ago.
I walk a delicate tightrope daily to observe and understand her needs. Her language is really evolving a lot to the point where she can articulate some of her needs better so that’s a huge relief. But sometimes the clues on how to guide her through the day are rooted in patterns and subtle cues. I try to balance her auDHD needs by keeping some things unchangeable, and some things loose so she feels some freedom and agency.
Like her morning schedule... She’s memorized it now and I’m really happy that it helps her start the day calmly. I have timer after timer breaking the routine in chunks, with some breaks to process and breathe. Now that she knows the routine she doesn’t need the breaks as much but I kept it in because school requires a huge allocation of her spoons or energy tokens. So accumulating quick wins seems to work well to keep her on track and preserve her energy for the biggest part of the day.
I speak to her like I do to anyone. But I have noticed she pays more attention if I speak in a more animated way, faster, or in Spanish. Those seem to catch her attention and seem to trigger her RSD less. It helped her normalize that I will request tasks, or deny her of wreaking havoc and that’s ok. She’s young, and we’ve struggled with a lot of situations due to her feeling overstimulated and angry and not being able to regulate. I guess the whole point of this ramble is that I hope that these things help her today in school. That she’s starting to find ways to articulate her needs and lean into the discomfort of doing stuff she dislikes. That she can thrive this year. That she can continue to learn at her speed and feel safe despite how overwhelming new things are.
She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.
– Elizabeth Edwards