I have, as of today, been exercising 170 days straight. I have not taken a day off, not even on dizzy days (working out somehow makes me less dizzy which makes sense with it being my ears). I hate calling it a streak or being in a challenge because I always fail those.

But in March, a month after my husband was let go of his job, I decided to try to integrate physical movement into my life. One reason being that life was overwhelmingly stressful at the time. Meditation wasn't working. I'd sit, put on headphones, and instead centering my awareness, would concoct doomsday scenarios and have to stop in tears. But at the time I noticed that when I was cleaning I was calmer. And it reminded me that fostering the concept of being in the moment and calming myself is not necessarily always going to look like me sitting serenely in a lotus position. In fact, with my propensity of overthinking and worrying, the opposite approach helps more.

I've tried in the past to integrate exercise into my life but I was my own worst enemy and would end up dropping it. I would expect it to always go a certain way, or use tools that entailed setup (I'm a huge fan of Fitness Boxing on the Switch), or was more than my capability. But this time I stumbled on some channels on YouTube. My first one, Grow with Jo, said that no matter how I feel, even if I don't show up in a flawless way to try to show up as much as I could.

I took that to heart. I told myself that if I could show up for myself 10 minutes during my work break or when I woke up in the weekend, I would be happy. And so I did! I started on March 15 this year with a 10-minute Tabata beginner routine. By promising myself 10 daily minutes for this, I kept the pressure low and gave myself grace to listen to my body as I continued to grow stronger. One day went to the next and no matter what, even if it was a short active recovery, I did at least 10 minutes.

In time 10 minutes grew to 15. Then 20. Then I realized my body was happy if I did 20 moderate/vigorous minutes followed by a 20 minute moderate to extend my cooldown. My daughter started getting in on the act. She'll jump in and exercise, but mostly she makes me reenact my most exhausted moments...

She also brings her ENTIRE coterie of plushie animals to do the moves on her behalf (she's absolutely max-leveled her Diva trait).

I think for me the most important thing I've been learning, and that I gleaned when YouTube started serving me more exercise related content was the idea that when we nudge our physical limits and move more, we do some important things that are healthy for our psyches. One is that we become grateful to our bodies. But the one thing that has been sticking with me the most is the idea that we should push sometimes to show our bodies that we trust our physical self.

Every time I add more time to my cardio routine (I just started integrating a few 45-minute sessions every week and have kept them as I feel fine). When I try a wall push up, or elephant walk. When I sit on the floor without using my arms to help and when I do the same when I stand up from a seat or the floor. There's always that little alarm bell in my body. My brain worries that I lack the strngth or flexibility to move a certain way. But when I nudge slightly past that fear, ever so slowly I notice my body calms down when I do those movements. I can bend a little more, or faster. I can stretch my muscles beyond what I could 170 days ago. And it's been that ever-growing trust that in the end kept me showing up, like Jo said.

On days that I feel emotionally weaker, it's in that belief that I can push a bit harder that has reinforced my confidence. I seriously believe knitting and moving more were the only things that kept me sane in this shitty year. They made my trust in myself and my abilities grow in ways I don't remember anything else doing.

No one is perfect…absolutely no one. Like precious stones, we have a few flaws, but why focus on that? Focus on what you like about yourself, and that will bring you happiness and peace.
– Richard Simmons