1. I posted last week about my pre-marriage life but because I had such an intense level of rage bubbling up about it... I did the one thing I told myself to not do. To archive an entry. I think I hold a lot of anger because my trauma > people pleasing > lack of boundaries > not defending myself. My husband is not an awful creep. He's super nice and a good friend to me. But I do know our romantic relationship is no longer alive because of a decade and a half of feeling dismissed eroded trust. I didn't realize it was happening. But I got so very tired. Of feeling that I will only get attention or care of any kind was solely dependent if I was lucky to be his hyperfixation du jour. I am tired of handling the majority of the logistics and often feel everything falling around me. I will eventually unarchive my post. Ugliness is part of me and it's exactly why I write here. To be the me that is unafraid of hard subjects. IRL me... she's too nice. I get annoyed at her! I hope to continue this work and embody a wholesome kindness. A kindness where I am not only kind to others, but kind to me too.
  2. I've been actively trying to get out of the Alphabet ecosystem this year. I made the intricate and slow transition out of my 20 year Gmail account in June and decided to stop using Fitbit. I sincerely do not like the current state of the internet. Or the larger ecosystem of it. I felt the best solution to how I feel is to gradually review and refine my relationship to it. This site is one way. Leaving Gmail and Fitbit another. I hope to in time continue to peel back those layers and do better. I did notice I now knit more, game a bit, read a bit, create more in my kitchen.
  3. Speaking of kitchen, I decided to make a recipe section to my digital notebooks! I think I shall call it... Jump to Recipe. I can assure you that I will not tack on modals, ads, or have the need to jump to the recipe, because the recipe will be at the top of the page haha. And no life stories! My journal covers that already and in spades :p
  4. Current obsessions: Mahjong (a post by Miela583 rekindled ze love), Sudoku. Graphic novels that are simultaneously spooky AND adorable. My daughter's "Persian Cat" plush. Count on Me by Aespa and Trap by Key. Very very long walks.
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There is so much in the world for us all if we only have the eyes to see it, and the heart to love it, and the hand to gather it to ourselves—so much in men and women, so much in art and literature, so much everywhere in which to delight, and for which to be thankful. .
– L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)