...

Things I do that cross over with advice from men whose names usually end with -ocko and who also tend to have a military background:

• I wake up at 4 AM
• I exercise 4+ hours per week
• I write and journal
• I read often
• I meditate or do yoga or tai chi a few times a week
• I time block my tasks
• I eat healthy/cook more than leaning to takeout/snacking
• I use critical thinking to improve my media literacy, my ability to read stats, and understand data

I do these things because either I want to or need to. I can’t take seriously those who hasn’t walked through the fire of being a minority, and in fact write from a place of privilege. So definitely not because the -ockos prescribe these simplistic steps to success.

I wake up at 4 to breathe and have coffee before my day starts. I exercise because I want to connect to my body. I read because it’s grounding and has been a part of my identity since I got my copy of Charlotte’s Web at 6. I use critical thinking because I am autistic and logical things comfort me. I do productivity shit because I can't afford not to in my situation.

Doing these things does not give me power, or prestige. I am not "thought leader" (thank goodness). Or CEO (also thank goodness, have you seen the headlines lately?) Success is not waking up at 4, or sweating, or “eating clean” (tf is that anyway?) Yet... many self help gurus will disregard systemic factors when claiming that hyper-specific actions on the part of the individual is the primary difference between being a success (within their narrow definition of the term) or not. I beg to differ.

Success is living your life in the way that your life requires. Success means not castigating yourself for not fitting the mold of success that our ex military friends try to sell us for $29.99 a copy. It’s not a digital detox. It’s a digital curation. It's not clean eating. It’s eating with joy. It's dancing as you cut your vegetables. Hearing the sizzle of oil as aromatics dance in a pan. Success is a long walk. Not to follow Hemingway’s schedule. But to breathe for once. Success is a belly laugh. A good song, and a really really long hug. Even one smile, one luxurious stretch. Those are successes too. In fact, I daresay that they are the biggest form of success that one should aspire to.

If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
– Maya Angelou