- Sometimes I wonder if I'll finally exhaust all my words here. I hope so. For the past almost 2 years of this practice, I was able to process a lot of things, was able to label and know myself better, and had the luxury to indulge in the written word like I hadn't done in decades. Though doing the right thing hurts, lately I am doing it and not holding on to trauma bonds and loops like safety blankets. I faltered a lot too, making small wins and then major failures. I think it's ok. I'm not afraid of mistakes anymore.
- My knitting is meh lately. I started a puff daddy ottoman thingie to destash but even though it's just a jumbo garter stitch rectangle I'm not enjoying it. I did cast on some lovely socks today called Shell Cottage Socks by Helen Stewart in Malabrigo Ultimate sock in a color called Arapey and it's sooooooo PRETTY and perfect in that colorway.
- My spooky reading is... not going so hot. I started strong with cute graphic novels but stalled on The Elementals by Michael McDowell. His prose is fantastic, but this family is so wannabe edgelord that I cringe every time I read more. I'm horrified, in a bad way. I did read a cool creepy manga called Another by Yukito Ayatsuji and Hiro Kiyohara which was really really good. I might just put The Elementals aside and focus on other reads so I get some more spooky vibes in before the end of the month. Kinda excited to read more of the Sworn Soldier series by T Kingfisher and I do like to add a classic to the roster to round it out.
- I want to run a 5K race next year. It's nice to have a dream to work toward in the short term, isn't it? Maybe by spring it should be feasible to try. Though I messed up SO BAD on Friday and overtrained and hurt myself a bit, so I'll take it a day at a time and only run when ready. They do walks too so the dream is doable in stages haha. The big dream is hermit cottage fantasy™ and overnight train trip™, of course, but those are at least a decade away so smaller goals will motivate me and get me out of this emotional blasé feeling I've had lately.
- Speaking of training, It's been almost 7 months since I started integrating exercise daily. I wanted to reflect about it. I thought that movement was THE missing piece to heal anxiety. And it's helped a good amount. I have a way to release energy and feeling my health thrive is in its own way a massive reward. It didn't cure my anxiety, and truth be told might make it worse on the days that I push harder (cortisol). But it's part of the picture I think. Along with awareness, journaling here, setting boundaries, allowing my mind to slow down, indulging in hobbies, drinking tea, etc.
- Have you ever had a broken heart and suddenly noticed that person's name is crazy common? I don't know why I thought of that. I like to think of names though. I remember how in the world of Earthsea, names are sacred. To the extent that one's true name should only be told to very trusted confidants only. I wonder who I would share a secret name with. Who would you share your secret name to?
- Current Obsessions: Adding new songs to my Pretty Chill playlist (obsessed with Strawberry Acai by I'MIN and getting into Flux Vortex), redrawing old things, still playing Atelier Resleriana.
She’d hoped to outlive tears, move beyond them to an arid landscape where they never flowed.
– Laura Purcell (The Silent Companions)