...

I know I’m deep in a special interest when I start talking about it the way someone newly in love looks for excuses to mention the person they’re enamored with. I consider that part of my autistic joy... though it’s one I tend to hold a little close to my chest. There’s a fine line between conversation and a one-sided info dump, and I’ve always been careful not to cross it.

It reminds me a little of Extraordinary Attorney Woo, when Attorney Woo’s eyes sparkle as Yunho offers to listen to her talk about whales. I always felt his explicit consent and his willingness to redraw the boundaries around “whale talk time” was a huge reason they worked as a couple. Designated special-interest time? Hell yes!

But I digress.

I’ve been utterly enamored with The Murderbot Diaries these past few weeks, gleefully binging the series. The most recent thing I read was the short story Rapport: Friendship, Solidarity, Communion, Empathy. It takes place after book two, though it features ART’s crew, who are more properly introduced later. On the surface, it shows one of ART and crew’s missions. But the real point is the impact Murderbot has had on ART.

I think the reason that ART is such a beloved Murderbot character for me is because you have this shockingly advanced intelligence that's never had the chance to meet a true kindred spirit in the form of a construct or machine. There is a sharp loneliness that stems from being a person who thinks differently and I feel that Martha Wells strength is in highlighting those little vulnerabilities in a subtle way. We can't see how ART is impacted in the second book, because the existence of ART's intelligence is almost blinding to everything else about it. I felt a kinship to ART in that regard.

I do not feel I am very intelligent, but I do feel the way my mind works makes me more prone to feel lonely. I spend a lot of energy and time softening myself for others in my real life. I wish there were someone I could just breath and be myself around without the fear of rejection.

I even like the bickering because it seems familiar and affectionate as opposed to wearing a mask of being poised. I find that authenticity stunning because it allows messiness and chaos. Not always being curated and together. Just being human and laughing and disagreeing and being a team.

“Oh. Oh, Peri". Iris found a seat on a rock. "So you really like this person?"
"I had never encountered another intelligence that I could experience this kind of rapport with before.”
– Martha Wells (Rapport: Friendship, Solidarity, Communion, Empathy)