1. I played Paradise Killer over the weekend. Replaying it from the start was a little morsel I was saving for later to treat myself but I was spiraling so much, I figured it would be nice to indulge. I'm glad I did, I missed Island 24 so much! Coming in with more knowledge, I was more strategic with how I did the trial. The beauty of Paradise Killer is that it's set up in such a world that one is complicit in the rot that is behind the gorgeous veneer. The more you learn, the more your own moral code will drive how you handle the game. There is no golden ending. There is no change at a systemic level. You as a bureaucrat must simply use the tools you have for the best outcome that is achievable that fits somewhat into your own ethics. I do hope they make more. I don't know how they could with the ending being so fluid, but I hope they do anyway.
  2. I started watching a channel where the creator shares a lot of cool smoother, retro sounding k-pop and I ended up making a new playlist to enjoy them. I'm a sucker for City Pop and a lot of the recommended tracks ooze that vibe. I also made a playlist for Japanese 3x3 walking intervals. I plan to do interval training outdoors in Spring and wanted a solid list to enjoy the workouts more and time my intervals. Choosing tracks that were around 3 minutes give or take AND the right BPM ranges for fast and slow intervals was... a challenge.
  3. I grew up in an era where women were valued for keeping men happy. I carry both pride and hope as I watch younger generations dismantle the frameworks that once boxed us in. That’s why queer romance media has, for the last decade, been a sanctuary. A place where I could explore love on my own terms. I am pansexual, though it took me years to internalize that truth. For a long time, I sought men to heal the wounds inflicted by patriarchal norms. The scripts of that system were easy for me to learn: be vulnerable, but not needy; show love, but never intensity; be sexy, but in ways that signal surrender; laugh off boundary pushing; be grateful when you’re allowed to stay. For a people-pleasing autistic woman, the algorithm of patriarchal pandering was easy to execute, but impossible to maintain. Looking back, I see the patterns I absorbed, but I also see the ways I am breaking free from them.
  4. What triggered the above? The Epstein news has been affecting me a lot and it's been hard to avoid. Every time I see his photo I have to look away. His smile. His smile bothers me a lot. It is not a smile of joy. It's something that makes my skin crawl. He is dead but the others live and thrive.
  5. I'm excited this week to add an extra strength day to my routine! I decided I want to try dumbbell deadlifts and am benchmarking this week to see where I stand.
  6. I had to stop Project Meet Pen Pals. There were some nice people but I noticed some things that made me realize I'm not ready. Mainly boundary nudging early on (like 2 days in after just low stakes intermittent slice of life convos). What entitlement do some people have that they can feel ok with flirting with someone within a few days knowing they are married and even ask intimate questions out of nowhere? I was proud that I did not laugh them off, but it still hurt a lot. I don't want to be objectified or have my intelligence underestimated. I did create a Slowly account but haven't used it. I figured anyone in an app with letters that take time will be overall safer to open a correspondence with.
  7. Current Obsessions: Paradise Killer AND its OST. Pilates, again (nothing gets my abdomen like even a basic Pilates) and learning new exercises.
Primary · Bawling
II had read the HelpMe.file and accepted it as truthful. But there was a difference between accepting data as accurate and experiencing it. The humans would not abandon this SecUnit even though part of our function was to be disposable if necessary.
– Martha Wells (Network Effect)