- The past few weeks have flown by. I have some new projects at work, school registration, school supplies and uniform shopping, doctor and vet appointment, etc, etc, etc. I forgot how Summer ends up being more hectic. Hopefully it'll wind down a bit next month. Maybe I'll take an extended weekend soon to reset.
- Brud is growing a lot! He has his little routine here and I feel everyone here is just overall happier since he's been around. He's also in his playful kitty phase! Sudden zoomies, climbing, pouncing, and all the cute things 🥰 Then he eats, and naps in random places around the house before restarting the routine. He got a clean bill of health by the vet on the last visit too!
- Lately I'm trying to navigate the balance of raising my daughter in a way that honors her needs, but also helps her grow. It's not been very easy. She's a happy little one, which is good, but a lot of her functioning has been simply been me making sure she has everything she needs always. I confess it's been burning me out a lot and I'm feeling more dysregulated as a result. Her routines have a tendency to evolve a lot. So for example, we let her take a bag of plush in the car on the way to school to help her regulate and to avoid her feeling off before stepping into class. That bag has ballooned into a whole process, where I often spend my mornings trying to predict what she wants, only for her to request something that I might not be able to locate. It's been stressing me out a lot. I think for me I want her to start internalizing ways to get the tools she needs to regulate more independently so that as she grows older, she can understand the nuances of functioning in society as a neurodivergent person.
- Dr. K on YouTube posted an amazing video about being in love and being on the spectrum that deeply resonated with me. I think because of my own self perception, love for me was simply an exercise of being as agreeable and "useful" as possible to my partners which always ultimately resulted in me burning out and/or resenting my partner. I like how in the end he validated the feelings for us ND folk, stated that overthinking might be the best way to navigate the thing, that situationships are hard regardless of neurotype, and broke everything down into four questions one must ask oneself when in a relationship: Do I crave this person? Do I feel connected? Does this person make me feel calm and less anxious? Would I take a bullet for this person? The last time I fell in love, I had 2 of the 4, so now it makes sense why I felt awful with that person.
- Have you heard of the Monty Hall Puzzle? It's a probability thing, based on that one show where there were three doors. Two with goats behind them, one with a car. If I choose a door, and Monty opens one goat door, would it be more likely for me to win a car if I stuck with my choice, or if I switched? Because I am mathematically challenged, I will not deign to explain it, but statistically, the odds are more in one's favor if one SWITCHES. Here's the article and simulator if you want to do a deeper dive!
- I got the new KnitPicks fixed metal circular needles for sock knitting (team magic loop) but I was sad that the joins made it hard to shift the stitches to the needle. I'm a crazy tight knitter (I have to go up 2+ sizes from recommended gauge and also hello anxiety) so I don't think I'll be able to use them in a pleasing way. Their original purple cords were great, but they discontinued, and then they made a new variant but the join broke 7 socks in, meh. I hope to find another pair I like soon. I'm the worst at losing needles >.<
- Current Obsessions: Healing novels, pairing music to my reading. Watching Brud play and sleep. Green tea. Blueberries and watermelon.
I hope my heart never stops breaking. Because I am surrounded by heartbreaking acts. And I’m so afraid of what would happen if my heart stopped recognizing that. I’m so afraid of what would happen if my heart became inured to what is happening. I’m so afraid of what would happen if I could shrug off cops murdering a baby, or even the mother of a baby, or the father, brother, sister, or cousin of a baby.
– Mike Monteiro (How to mend a broken heart)
